#966262 + (183) - [X]

< duoi> how do i stop getting my puter infected with adware when downloading porn < skas> block ads < skas> update os and antivir < hdqn> next! < duoi> but how will i find out about lonely singles in my local area < hdqn> look into every window in the neighbourhood, if they're IRCing that's your best best < hdqn> the shorter the handle, the longer the candle, if y'know what I mean

#966243 + (84) - [X]

<uselessabstraction> So I was just having a conversation with my fiance about Star Wars <uselessabstraction> particulary, about the choice of architecture <uselessabstraction> The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TO DAMN HIGH <uselessabstraction> like, who designs architecture like this? <uselessabstraction> catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids <uselessabstraction> Giant holes to nowhere <gonzobot> &#12539;&#12444;&#12444;&#12539;&#12290; &#8203; &# 12290;&#12539;&#12444;&#12444;&#8203;_ø< qu&#8203;ack! <MerryPenguin> .bef <gonzobot> MerryPenguin you befriended a duck in 3.166 seconds! You have made friends with 17 ducks in #trees. <uselessabstraction> .bang <uselessabstraction> bah <MerryPenguin> It's by design <MerryPenguin> It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time <uselessabstraction> like... who the fuck put this hole here???? and why???? <MerryPenguin> exhaust <uselessabstraction> Darth Maul falls down a hole <uselessabstraction> Palpatine falls down a hole <uselessabstraction> Solo falls down a hole <uselessabstraction> everyone falls down a hole <uselessabstraction> Star Wars universe needs OSHA <MerryPenguin> Luke falls down a hole <MerryPenguin> Boba Fett falls down a hole <uselessabstraction> yes. yes. <uselessabstraction> I forgot about those! <MerryPenguin> R2D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive <MerryPenguin> lol <MerryPenguin> we're onto something here <uselessabstraction> Obi Wan almost falls down a hole <MerryPenguin> C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole. <uselessabstraction> his lightsabre does though * MerryPenguin thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes <uselessabstraction> what if the hole is symbolic <uselessabstraction> the hole represents the dark side <MerryPenguin> Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side <uselessabstraction> fair point

#966229 + (165) - [X]

<Jarcode> besides, emacs users are ripped <Jarcode> you wouldn't want to mess with one <Jarcode> the sheer strength of their fingers from reaching across their keyboard to use obscure keybindings can crush bones

#966228 + (-18) - [X]

<therocode> I don't use dumbbells because they are dumb. <KVETCH> dumb in the sense that they don't speak <therocode> yeah that makes me feel lonely <KVETCH> barbells are pretty loquacious in comparison <KVETCH> which is why so many people wear headphones to drown them out <therocode> Scarecrow: i haven't figured out another way to get the same quality of simulation that is not super annoying to implement <therocode> KVETCH: yeah, it's similar sounds to when you sit at a bar - hence the name <KVETCH> and the bell is actually an abbreviation of belle, which is due to the hourglass shape of a fully loaded one <therocode> in fact "gym" is a cheeky spelling of "jim" as a reference to "jim carrey", which is in itself a play on words: Jim Carrey -> Jim Carry. "Jim" used in the same sense as "john" in "john doe" and Carry implying lifting weights. So, basically a place where people lift

#966225 + (199) - [X]

<Roosevelt> !choose do work, play games <RoBoBo> Choice: do work <Roosevelt> bah <Roosevelt> !choose listen to a stupid bot, don't listen to a stupid bot <RoBoBo> Choice: listen to a stupid bot <Roosevelt> :(

#966218 + (276) - [X]

<tehron> i have a question about the english language: are parcel and packet synonym in any way? <sabretooth> yes <sabretooth> packet is generally smaller <sabretooth> but they can be used interchangeably even with a large packet and a small parcel :) <tehron> hm.. :P <tehron> i think i can't receive parcels <sabretooth> Well if you're sending them over TCP probably not <tehron> :P very helpful <sabretooth> if you're sending them by UDP, UPS or Royal Mail however they'll likely be dropped anyway

#966216 + (92) - [X]

<&Moltare> I tried teaching the twins about octothorpes <&Moltare> I made a hash of it <Stardrake> Keep trying. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all.

#966184 + (-77) - [X]

<anus> you measure from butthole to tip right

#966182 + (300) - [X]

<FedorhaJergins> I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me. <ImAndreaKitty> what did he say? <FedorhaJergins> your fired

#966181 + (232) - [X]

<Omega037> so, apparently in preschool class today the teacher asked the class "What are you afraid of?" and my son screamed "BLACK PEOPLE!" It took her like a minute of talking to him about it to realize that he meant shadows, he just didn't know the word.

#966166 + (74) - [X]

<@stereo_> when we get a time machine that can look anywhere in history, i assume the first thing it'll be used for is to spy on other people's dicks <@Dom`> I mean, why? <@Dom`> If we wanted to spy on dicks, we could just put a camera in your mouth

#966114 + (115) - [X]

<firefacks> cout << "hello" << endl; <CoccaFukuda> printf("Sup"); <firefacks> Console.WriteLine("not much"); <sjmulder> ObjectFactory.Resolve<IGreeter>().Invoke();

#966109 + (49) - [X]

<Min>: Urg Vince cable has been talking about brexiteers 'erotic spasms' <Min>: I feel a bit queasy &#128533; <Yhor>: come on Vince, lets keep it clean <Min>: I know. Let's keep erotic out of the brexit space <Yhor>: Maybe he's trying to appeal to people that pretend to know politics and think it's like football? <Yhor>: you pick a team and you're on that team until you die regardless of your changing opinions <Yhor>: and must hate all the other teams. <Min>: Ah I thought you meant full of divas, too much money in the system and secretly owned by Russian oligarchs <Yhor>: There are days it's clear you're a lot smarter than me.

#965959 + (524) - [X]

<pawz> i use lilo :") in fact.. my first cat was called Lilo <pawz> i would take him to the vet and they would be like "Oh, Lilo, from the Disney movie" and i would say "Oi, check his birth date. he was born years before that shitty movie. his name is short for LInux LOader" <Stranj> And then the vet gave you a shot to calm you down?

#965855 + (89) - [X]

<mandrill> if minnie driver had a mini cooper and multiple midget chauffeurs... <mandrill> many mini drivers drive minnie driver's mini

#965821 + (162) - [X]

<fishmunster123> when i was younger, my dad got me this star wars trilogy cd set, thinkning it was the soundtracks. it was, but it was all midi, no actual orchestra stuff <Norseman> and that's how you learned to play the keyboard? <fishmunster123> no, thats how i learned life is full of disappointments

#965795 + (127) - [X]

<sargeras000> I've been in one (1) house that had a urinal <thuban> whose house <sargeras000> don't recall <sargeras000> now that i think of it, it may have been a water fountain

#965761 + (74) - [X]

<monotone> it's funniest when a monkey is gibbon it all it's got, but things still go wrong <Hawkline> wow monotone, just wow <wayfinder> monotone, how do you come up with these? i hope it's okay to ask, i dont wanna pry m8 <HunterX11> the thing with monkeys is that they are smart enough that you can sometimes see on their face when they realize "oh shit this was a bad idea" <wayfinder> kinda like when girls go on a blind date with me, "see me an" think this was a bad idea <wayfinder> ha ha ha, am i rite <wayfinder> she just didn't like macaque <monotone> man, drilling deep, wayfinder <wayfinder> monotone, that's what your marmoset

#965715 + (193) - [X]

< pronto> :( < GiftdKook> Turn that frown upside down! < korozion> ):

#965712 + (141) - [X]

<LordHelmet> FYI, The Last Jedi is up on the Corsair Cove. <FailBetter> The what? <LordHelmet> The Buccaneer Marina. <PewLaser> you mean The Swashbuckler Lagoon? <PewLaser> The Arrrrrbour? <PewLaser> The Privateer Basin? <PewLaser> Marauder Gulf? <LordHelmet> Pirate Bay. <PewLaser> aww, you ruined it. #ComboBreaker

#965693 + (-213) - [X]

<yuritrue> you can connect over tor i think if you use sasl <yuritrue> don't quote me on that though

#965610 + (304) - [X]

<_alph4_> cedra when are you coming to live with me <cedra> I can't <_alph4_> :( <cedra> Unless you live here in this country <_alph4_> i do not <_alph4_> i live in the democratic republic of trump <cedra> What state <_alph4_> denial <_alph4_> sometimes confusion

#965608 + (55) - [X]

<ahf> well, i guess everything is a dildo if you are brave enough

#965519 + (240) - [X]

< leah> you don't win against people like SoundFriend by debating with the individual person. you win by getting elected and educating children so that we get less people like SoundFriend < SoundFriend> Fewer

#965502 + (330) - [X]

<PeopleProgrammer> www.masterprocrastinator.com is taken <TungstenCarbide> you shouldn't have waited so long

#965437 + (472) - [X]

<@be> Coworker arguing about NTP with me. <@pronoun> tell them you don't have time for that

#965433 + (207) - [X]

<Lorien> I have identical twins. One's a back up. <AnIndexOfMetals> She's kept in a box in the attic. <Lorien> lol <Lorien> Very much the opposite. <AnIndexOfMetals> In the cellar.

#965416 + (635) - [X]

<zy]x[yz> turtles are like chairs with legs <mniip> chairs already have legs

#965408 + (180) - [X]

<Denwa> Italiana should only be in charge of making unreliable cars that look cool <Joe> proves how little of a true slav lives in you <Denwa> Now now <Denwa> Slav vehicle may also break down <Joe> maluch doesn't break down <Joe> nor does 125p <Denwa> But they also only need bottle of vodka and semecki to run <Denwa> Use mayonez as grease <Denwa> Good to go <Joe> maluch runs on literally anything <Joe> if you defecate or piss into the tank enough it will run flawlessly <Joe> though rip people who inhale the fumes <Denwa> Also aren't fiat 126 technically not Italian <Joe> manufactured by fiat <Joe> italian <Joe> designed by an italian as well <Denwa> But they were made in Polan.... <Joe> a lot of shit is made in polan and yet you wouldn't call it polan <Joe> like death camps for example <Denwa> You win this round

#965386 + (-333) - [X]

<modp> off work now, time to get scotched up <jas0n> drunk yet? <modp> BUCK'S ABORTION CLINIC SPEAKING. YOU RAPE 'EM, WE SCRAPE 'EM. NO FETUS CAN BEAT US. <jas0n> is your liver okay? <modp> i'd say it's an approximate physical manifestation of a metaphor for my life

#965366 + (-377) - [X]

bld: we have officially "miscarried" Hasad: pics or it didn't happen bld: absence of evidence is not evidence of absence

#965350 + (201) - [X]

<AndrewOregon> People debate to win, and they usually resort to dishonesty in doing so. It's not a conversation. <AndrewOregon> IRC is so cozy because it still hosts conversation, that rare gem online. <lakembra> get raped fgt

#965249 + (326) - [X]

<blaxthos> "yea, um, let me get 2 boxen of sudafed" <blaxthos> "sorry, by law you can only get 1 box at a time" <blaxthos> "okay, let me get 1 box of sudafed and these 7 guns"

#963266 + (52) - [X]

<kiska> what does dj khaled even do <venuism> makes mirc

#963183 + (212) - [X]

< winter_the_mute> i am both of those things < winter_the_mute> sadly i am also a programmer so < winter_the_mute> fit and pretty only gets you so far when you're autistic <@ Riztazz> | there is a 3rd option to it <@ Riztazz> | sadly only a handful of men can achieve that <@ Riztazz> | and its not something you can do anything about <@ Riztazz> | well <@ Riztazz> | nowdays u can <@ Riztazz> | get a big dick < winter_the_mute> im black so i got that too < winter_the_mute> but last time i whipped my dick out to a woman, she moved seats on the bus

#963072 + (498) - [X]

<wusel>hey whasti do you make love to your woman in the other hole? <whasti>eww you sir are disgusting <whasti>she could get pragnant from that

#963028 + (237) - [X]

Govind: once I saw a sign that said "Parking for Drive-Thru customers only". that was the stupidest thing I'd ever read until I read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

#963026 + (506) - [X]

<Church> Sup folks <BytesAndCoffee> Church: do you program? <Church> Ja. <BytesAndCoffee> more functional or more imperative? <Church> Mix. <BytesAndCoffee> Church: deplorable, church and state should never mix! <Church> Heh <Church> Oh god. It clicked. <Church> Fuck you. <Church> That joke has layers... >_>

#963025 + (293) - [X]

<mogh> I landed an in person interview <sergey> where at? <alexander> Hydraulic Press Inc. <sergey> You've gotta crush the interview to work there <sergey> very firm handshake is a plus as well <kurn> dunno if I'd want to work there, I hear it's a high-pressure environment <kurn> and opportunities for advancement are pretty flat <alexander> Getting the wrong manager there can be soul-crushing. <helena> but getting the right one can be powerfully uplifting <mogh> I think I could squeeze out a living

#963023 + (169) - [X]

<sneak> what is a good keto alternative to chips <sneak> like kfc but from chicken shops not kfc <S3tanta> I mean <S3tanta> if you buy a breast of chicken <S3tanta> and you fry that <S3tanta> that's keto <sneak> thats not fried chicken <sneak> thats just chicken <sneak> fried <S3tanta> that's literally what fried chicken is <S3tanta> chicken that is fried

#962987 + (-76) - [X]

<randymarsh9> what's the proper way to administer a remote linux server? <aeyxa> ssh <phogg> randymarsh9: Hire me to use ssh. <randymarsh9> phogg: do you take bitcoin <phogg> randymarsh9: no, I take payment only in Linux support. That YOU provide, later. <phogg> to other people <randymarsh9> what is ssh file transfer protocol claled <aeyxa> sftp <SporkWitch> scp <phogg> sftp > scp, but sure you can use scp too <randymarsh9> ok i want to use scp but whenever i try to edit/ move file i get access denied <randymarsh9> only root has access to modify those files <SporkWitch> you've answered your own question then <randymarsh9> i can't login as root though <randymarsh9> there's gotta be a simple way to do this without changing folder permissions everytime <randymarsh9> i know how from ssh but want to do the same from scp <aeyxa> There is, you log in as root <randymarsh9> no, i turned that shit off because some stupid security blog told me it's the right thing to do <randymarsh9> you are basically telling me the hard way to do it <randymarsh9> i already know how to do it the hard way i was looking for something easier through scp <randymarsh9> telling me to login as root is hardly an answer <aeyxa> randymarsh9: Log in as your user, then sudo up to root <randymarsh9> aeyxa: how do you sudo up in scp <aeyxa> randymarsh9: What files are you moving, where are you moving them from, what have you tried. <randymarsh9> aeyxa: want to edit files in /etc/ <aeyxa> randymarsh9: Do you have permission to use the root account? <randymarsh9> yes, but the login through scp with root is turned off <aeyxa> randymarsh9: If you only want to edit files, I don't know why you're asking about scp and sftp. <randymarsh9> aeyxa: because if i do it through scp i'm able to use the gui

#962982 + (788) - [X]

RageOmega: my gf's father yelled at me when he found out i took her virginity, i told him it wouldnt happen again and he let me off the hook

#962978 + (-92) - [X]

On a sunny summer eve < Jan-> I really need to write up a readme on this to explain exactly what it's required to do. < Jan-> Every time I bring it up, I go through this same conversation. < Emil> Jan-: have you entertained the thought < Emil> that < Emil> you might be wrong? < Emil> If everytime you bring it up people tell you are wrong < Emil> Have you even considered the alternative? < Jan-> Sure. But then I've reexamined the situation, and realised that no, I'm right, it's just that you don't understand my use case. A few minutes later < Jan-> bear in mind I've explained this about a billion times and it always ends like this. < Jan-> it's getting really bloody tiresome. < Emil> it ends with people not wanting to hear your shit anymore < Jan-> I'm not an idiot, I have thought about this, I understand the problem.

#962974 + (258) - [X]

< froggey> which is another dependency, and another place for people to fuck up and send me bug reports < aejsmith> solution: don't get users < aejsmith> they're all terrible, so just avoid that problem by not having anyone use your software < froggey> I'm trying! I'm building the weirdest and most useless possible software and yet people still want to use it < froggey> I don't understand it at all

#962961 + (-310) - [X]

<scoob> so, question for you geezers <scoob> gotta be in NY in a suit tomorrow. ok, fine. Flying out tomorrow. <scoob> I can wear the suit on the plane and go straight, or I can pack it and change <scoob> both seem shitty <unclefat> are you flying in the animal hold ? <scoob> the finest economy delta has to offer <unclefat> can get you a gold medallion for $500 <unclefat> good odds on getting upgraded to a class that lets you hang your coat and doesn't fly you with some fatty's elbow up your asshole <unclefat> #justsayin <unclefat> also, for suit-wearing times i make them fly me in the night before and scrip a hotel room <scoob> yeah, this is personal travel <scoob> and just came in from elsewhere tonight <scoob> didn't get to go direct from place to place <unclefat> so where would you change ? <scoob> friends place <scoob> someone's hotel room <scoob> whatever <scoob> that part is squared away <unclefat> then i'd bring the suit <unclefat> and fly like the animal you are <scoob> all day erry day <unclefat> go get shorn and whatnot at your boy's barn

#962960 + (-98) - [X]

SKoertig: I am trapped in a Bank of America please send help SKoertig: They do not have a bathroom SKoertig: I may die in this place. Artilicer: odd Artilicer: they let me use their bathroom Artilicer: last time when I was bleeding from the mouth thanks to wisdom teeth removal SKoertig: I think they literally have no toilet. Artilicer: so Artilicer: do they use the mouths of their customers or SKoertig: These are accountants. I am fairly certain they do not poop. SKoertig: Their buttholes are purely recreational in purpose. Artilicer: how convenient SKoertig: Please poop in my buttholehhfuffjrqqow SKoertig: Sorry one of the tellers stole my phone for a second Reuben Sandwich: fyi, the bathroom is not in the safe SKoertig: I escaped. No prison can hold me

#962920 + (630) - [X]

<Ilikehorses> dude... how do u play this game? <Xenocideophile> it's a chat room for programmers <Ilikehorses> i know THAT <Xenocideophile> then you're good to go <Ilikehorses> no no no how do I make a game <Xenocideophile> depends <Ilikehorses> ...? <Xenocideophile> Depends what language you want to use to start off with <Ilikehorses> american

#962919 + (369) - [X]

<leo60228> vim is even better <leo60228> but i honestly don't know how to open a new tab in it <Pixl> we have reached peak hipster

#962894 + (40) - [X]

<MCRanchDepressing> "This sweet ass sed line should do the business"

#962889 + (173) - [X]

<drbngrl> hi <LordCow> yo <fppe> hello there girl <fppe> what happened to your vowels <LordCow> cost saving <drbngrl> what vowels <LordCow> exactly <fppe> she had a vowel movement <drbngrl> what are yoll talking about